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10 OF CUPS or

#soultarotchallenge Day 13: A message from my inner child: My inner child is like: “I’m sleepy can we please just take a nap?”

And I feel bad because we can’t. "How about we have some coffee instead?"

Inner me, who we’ll just call Lil’ J, makes a puke face and is like:

“coffee is gross, and you know we’re not supposed to have that.”

“Too late!”

I cackle, downing the first mug of taupe colored diner coffee. I feel like Thor on the verge of a panic attack.

“You’re gunna give us anxiety and a headache.” Lil me says,

“this is why we don’t talk” I reply signaling for a refill.

“I let you order the food, which is why we are just eating noodles with butter, just stop complaining. Besides we’ve got all this stuff to do and a video to make and I’m like totally uninspired.” Lil Me sucks out his tongue.

“Here,” I say handing him my Pagan Other Worlds Tarot Deck by @uusidesignstudio “entertain yourself”

Lil Me spreads the cards out all over the table and drops some on the floor. I look up from dressing my refill and notice him chewing on one.

“Give me that you weirdo, that’s not how you do it!”

“I know how to play Tarot” he squeals

“Do not”

“do too”

“do not”

“do too times infinity! And I’m not a weirdo.” he pouts “you’re the weirdo!”

“I know you are but what am I?” That one gets him and he lets out a wail like a coyote caught in a squirrel trap which causes everyone in the diner to stop what they’re doing and glare at me.

“Sorry” I say “that’s my cell phone ring, my Lil brother must be calling me, I’ll put it on silent.” Everyone goes back to their meals.

“Look what you did” I say out of the corner of my mouth.

“See, you’re the weirdo. Talking to yourself and having delusions in public.” Lil me says.

“Whatever, what card are you chewing on anyway” I ask reaching towards his mouth, “We’ve got to move this along.”

"It’s this one with all these cups and a rainbow “ he says, it kinda looks like a double rainbow “ I roll my eyes.

"Give me that, that ones the X OF CUPS. Is this the message you have for me Lil' J?”

“The message I have for you is you smell, but I’m trying to tell you I want a safe place to be. I’m sick of having to be moving and driving all the time. I’m sleepy and I hate not knowing where or when we are going to bed. It gives me all this anxiety. I don’t like it. Why can’t you just find us a nice place to be with people we can play with?”

"Oh Lil' J, I’m working on that but it’s harder then it seems.”

“I want to have a garden! And I want to make soup! And have our friends over for tea!” “I got you a nice place, where we can be safe and there are people we like.”

“But thats gunna end and we are going to be scattered to the wind and every time we get something nice it gets taken away.”

“That’s not true”

“is too”

“is not”

“is too, is too, is too!”

“Anything else hun?” The waitress’s voice drags me back from my schizophrenic break and into the yellow light of the diner.

“I’ll have another cup of coffee” I say,

“If you have more coffee I’m going to scream again” says 'Lil me.

“On second thought,” I say. “I’ll just take the check.”


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Tarot is a symbolic tool for self-reflection and personal exploration. It is not a substitute for therapy, medical assistance or other forms of professional aid. 

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