#soultarotchallenge Day 14: A message from my inner caretaker: Today my inner caretaker appears as the KING OF COINS from the Pagan Other Worlds Tarot by Uusi. And I’m like thank gawd for a little stability. The King shows up and is like:
“You two quit squabbling and make nice.” Then he picks up the check. Me and my inner child quiet down.
“I know y’all have had your troubles in the past but I would really appreciate it if we could have a little less bickering and a little more integration around here.” The King of Coins says in a voice like Issac Hays. Me and 'Lil me just look at each other.
“I know things have been difficult in the past and Lil J has some trust issues, as a matter of fact you both have some trust issues but that’s alright. Things are going to be fine, I promise.”
“I want to believe you,” I say, “but how do you know?”
"First off I’m the king and you don’t just get to be the king, it’s not like the presidency, it’s an actually important position that takes intelligence, skill and compassion to maintain, secondly I’m your inner caretaker, and oh man that’s basically a labor of love the freakin trouble you put me through. You remember when you almost fell off that boat and got lost at sea? Or the time that...”
“Ok, ok I get you I’ve been kinda a handful, thanks for looking out for me, you want a medal or something?”
“That’s unnecessary but a little faith would be nice” he says in a voice like honey on mahogany.
“It’s so hard!” I wince. “I know but here’s the thing, have I ever let you down?”
“Well there was that time when...”
“I mean since you started listening to me, not when you were acting like a feral animal.”
“Well...”
“Exactly! In all the research that you’ve done have I let you get evicted, or go hungry or be destitute in any way that you couldn’t handle?”
I look at the floor, “No.”
“That’s right, being your mental construction I’m invested in you and I’m not going to let you fail. Do you know what my failure rate is? 0; that’s right goose egg, and I’m not about to tarnish my perfect record and start letting my clients down. I’m like the goddamn Doc Ellis of inner caretakers and the only way this works is if we work together. So please don’t screw this up by not believing in me and trying to wrestle the steering wheel out of my hands.”
“Oooo he told you” chimes in 'Lil me.
“Shut up.” I say to my little self.
“Look, you two need to get along. We are a trio here and we’ve got to work together. We’ve like the Jimi Hendrix Experience, where I’m Jimi Hendrix and you are the two white guys. If we stick together we will be amazing and psychedelically mind blowing, and if we fall apart, well, I’ll still be Jimi Hendrix and you two will just be the guys that used to back me up.”
Me and 'Lil Me exchange a glance,
“Can’t we have more of an equal exchange, like Genesis?” I ask,
“Who?” The king replies, “My point is, that you have to trust that I’m a musical genius and even though I might look like a freak and be tripping really fucking hard sometimes, and quite possibly right now, you got to trust that I know what we’re doing. I know it’s hard but what I need from you is to make peace with little you and be present with what is.”
“But It’s so difficult.”
“I know, but you can start by breathing, when was the last time you noticed your breath. There you go, now think about the bottoms of your feet and the palms of your hands. Now just ask yourself ‘what is this feeling of being alive?’ Now while you are fucking with that Rubik’s cube of a Koan I’ll just take care of paying the bills and making sure there is good food in your belly and gas in the van. All you have to do is stay present and trust me. I will keep you supported and cared for. Deal? Great, now let’s get out of here, we’ve got places to go and minds to blow.”